Poisoned Chalice

You will never find me here

Beyond enticing, tamer of influences corrupting 

All these, I am

False confidence, panicked reactions 

None of these, you will find here

The geyser erupts with life 

That life lands in the embrace of satin to die 

I have drunk from the goblet of comfort

In hopes of filling my belly and being with calm’s support 

To walk among the balanced cohort 

A poisoned chalice, le début de la mort

The drink had a mucous viscosity to hold all its blessings

The drink was laden with the characteristic phlegm 

It bestowed on me the presence of penury in anxiety

I brimmed with the energy of a thousand suns

Carried the bravado of a hundred legions 

Walked in the tattered shoes of virtuosos past

As soon as it hit the back of my throat 

I was alive

So whence comes this, this restrictive feeling

A constricting prison with a quiet devouring appetite 

It rots as it eats from my living

What does it seek to do to me?

Where is the rap sheet that allows for this penalty?

If I embody all these

The highs must remain high

My eyes should be forever radiant

Certainly, if I embody all of these

If I am become all these

Then outside stresses should be springboards to enjoyment

Addenda to an everlasting joy parade 

Peace, truly is breathing to me

If I am become all of these

If I have all these

Fakery loses any attachments it once had 

Stability becomes a pillar clearly seen

And hope is all I give 

If I have all of these

The bitter aftertaste in my mouth 

A premonition of the impending collapse 

The cradle of death sent forth its supporters

To remind me of my gullibility

The whole experience of convenience

An insidious subterfuge for my undoing

Beaten, battered and blistered 

Unsteady legs, unsteady gait, unsteady vision 

I have curvatures in all my members, a scoliosis of my soul 

That viscous drink gave no true blessings

I am phlegmy but not the kind that inspires self-control

No, I projectile-eject phlegm for fun and it reeks

I drank temporariness because anxiety returned

It came back seven times stronger

I waned in energy like the death of a thousand stars

Broke under the weight of the cowardice of many

And failed to do anything worthwhile in the shoes of the elect.

Unlived potential veiled in the heightened climax of the poisoned chalice.

Now I stand here

Exactly where I said you will never find me

A contrarian to everything I said 

Darkened eyes and despairing

Gripped by the appearance of good promises

Yet it is not over

I just need to drink well